117. Feng Lizhi’s Decision

Feng Puyu had been standing outside the door the entire time. Naturally, he could neither hear what was said inside nor see the situation, but since Gu Fei had entered and had not yet emerged, he knew that, to some extent, she had managed to reach Feng Lizhi.

He did not know whether to feel relieved or helpless.

Glancing at Gu Fei’s maid, who was also standing by the door, Feng Puyu pondered for a moment before barking at the servant boy nearby, "Remember, no one has come to the young master's courtyard today. The young master has been alone in his room the whole time!"

The servant was startled. He glanced at Nightingale, and upon realizing the situation, immediately nodded and replied, "Yes, sir, I understand."

Feng Puyu had spoken deliberately to protect Gu Fei’s reputation as a young lady, ensuring that the fact the two had been alone together would not spread, as it would benefit neither of them.

Inside the dimly lit room, Gu Fei stood with her hands resting on the edge of the bed, remaining motionless as she allowed Feng Lizhi to cling to her legs—legs she could not truly feel.

A long silence stretched between them, weaving through every corner of the room like tangled vines.

Gu Fei began to feel a bit dizzy. The heady aroma of wine made her vision swim. She shook her head and rubbed her temples, realizing that the heavy scent of alcohol was beginning to affect her.

For fifteen years, she had never touched a drop of wine; she had no idea she was so lightheaded that even the mere smell of it made her feel unwell.

"Lizhi," she finally couldn't help but call out, "Lizhi, open a wooden window."

Perhaps having finally reined in his scattered emotions, Feng Lizhi loosened his grip. He looked up at Gu Fei, and just then, he saw her fair, delicate face flushed with a faint pink hue. Her dark, lacquer-like eyes, misty and unfocused from the wine fumes, looked like those of a kitten—dazed, unclear, and yet hauntingly captivating.

He was stunned, as if noticing for the first time just how incredibly beautiful Gu Fei’s eyes were—something he had never realized before.

"Lizhi," Gu Fei reached up to rub her petite nose and gave him a gentle nudge, "open a window."

"Oh," Feng Lizhi rose in a daze and obeyed, pushing open the wooden window with a creak. Only then did he come to his senses. "A-Fei, why are you here?"

It was as if the wine were only just now wearing off.

Gu Fei turned to look at him. With the window open, bright light poured in, illuminating Feng Lizhi. The backlighting cast a soft, glowing halo around his tall, slender frame.

"I heard you hadn't left your room for days, so I came to check on you," Gu Fei said, her tone devoid of inflection.

Feng Lizhi felt a bit uncomfortable under her steady, clear gaze. He was disheveled, his hair unkempt—a total breach of etiquette, especially in front of a young lady like Gu Fei—and he had just acted so disgracefully by clinging to her legs. He felt profoundly embarrassed.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat and turned his face away, unable to meet her eyes. "There’s nothing to see. You should go back. Don't come here again if there's no reason."

Only now did Gu Fei notice that after not seeing him for a few days, the once elegant and jade-like young master was now covered in gray stubble along his rugged jawline. Combined with his crumpled undergarments, he truly looked in a sorry state.

She pursed her lips, choosing to ignore these details, and said directly, "How can I not come? Mo Geyi is targeting the Feng family solely because you and I are friends, and he even made such an outrageous demand of you. I cannot stand idly by; I must make Mo Geyi pay a price just as heavy."

By the end of her sentence, Gu Fei’s tone had turned sinister. She had always avoided showing this cold, ruthless side of herself to others, but at this moment, she could no longer hold it back.

Sure enough, Feng Lizhi was slightly surprised by the venomous look on her face, but it lasted only for an instant before he dismissed it.

He walked over to the rack by the bed, threw on a relatively clean outer robe, and sat down at the table before speaking to her. "A-Fei, you and I both know that even if it weren't for you, Mo Geyi’s visit to Yizhou was driven by his covetous desire for the Feng family’s ink-making techniques. Seeing you was merely a convenient bonus for him."

Gu Fei’s pale pink lips parted as if to argue, but Feng Lizhi held up a hand to stop her.

He continued, "Before, you said that everything your eyes could see was yours to claim. I was thinking then about what I, Feng Lizhi, have wanted over these past twenty-some years."

"It may sound laughable, A-Fei, but I truly do not know what I want for myself." He wore a bitter expression. "I always thought that ink-making and the production of ink pellets were my entire purpose. Every descendant of the Feng line has lived this way. But A-Fei, this was arranged by my ancestors before I was even born. It wasn't my choice, and I was never given the chance to choose..."

"The ink-duel with Mo Geyi was merely the catalyst for all of this. In a sense, if I can no longer make ink, I have an excuse to walk away from the responsibilities of the Feng family..."

"I know this is a sign of cowardice, but A-Fei, I truly want—I truly want to walk a path of my own choosing, even if it’s only for ten years, twenty years, or just three or five. If I could have that, I would have no regrets."

As he spoke, Feng Lizhi’s voice grew lower, and he picked up the wine flask to take a long, deep draught.

"Am I detestable like this? Even I loathe myself. Feng Lizhi is a spineless wretch. I know the family has only one heir left and that my grandfather is elderly, yet I am still so selfish. How can I be worthy of being a descendant of the Feng family?"

He began to ramble incoherently, his thoughts chaotic, speaking whatever came to mind.

Gu Fei remained expressionless. The shadow of the bed curtain fell across her face, obscuring most of her features, making her impossible to read.

She could not judge Feng Lizhi’s thoughts by her own standards, and naturally, she could not say whether what he said was right or wrong.

It was merely a choice; there was no right or wrong in it. He wanted to live the life he chose, which was inherently valid. However, the current state of the Feng family did not allow for it. If the family were prosperous with many heirs, it might be different, but as the only descendant, the bloodline could be severed at any moment, leaving no room for risk.

Caught between the teachings of his ancestors and his own intense desires, Feng Lizhi was trapped. When these two forces clashed, he had no path forward, sinking into self-loathing and hedonism, refusing to wake up.

If it were Gu Fei in his position, she would not dwell on it as he did. One lives only once, and there are always many responsibilities one must shoulder despite not wanting to. She had understood this long ago.

How she longed to fly away with Le Qingbo—to make ink, raise fish, dig a vegetable patch, and have children. Who wouldn't want such a carefree life?

But in reality, her deep grudges remained unavenged, her parents had died tragic deaths, her brother’s fate was unknown, and the Mo siblings wanted to see her in hell. Even if she chose to let it go, others would not let her be.

She refused to be bullied again; therefore, she had no choice but to be more ruthless than anyone else.

As for Feng Lizhi, he had lived a smooth, gilded life. He didn't even understand the hardships of the common people, so his current suffering was, in a sense, only natural.

"Lizhi, I won't try to persuade you," Gu Fei said, weighing her words as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "If you want to do it, then do it. Just make sure you won't regret it later. As for the Feng family, my private opinion is that if you could marry quickly and produce an heir, that would be the best solution."

To her surprise, Feng Lizhi shook his head repeatedly. "A-Fei, I won't hide it from you—I have never even taken a concubine, let alone experienced the affairs of men and women."

Hearing this, Gu Fei frowned sharply. It was difficult to imagine that a man of over twenty like Feng Lizhi had never engaged in such matters. In the Great Yin, most men of his age had wives, concubines, and children.

Feng Lizhi suddenly turned his head, his gaze deepening as he looked at her with a strange, indefinable intensity.

Gu Fei raised an eyebrow; she roughly understood what he was thinking. "Don't bring me into this."

At her words, Feng Lizhi laughed. He rubbed his chin, saying with a hint of regret, "A-Fei, we've known each other for so long. How is it that we haven't become like other men and women—that sort of... that sort of connection..."

He looked embarrassed even saying it.

Gu Fei chuckled. Seeing that he was not in any immediate danger, she joked, "Perhaps in our past lives, we were sworn brothers or sisters, which is why in this life, we are destined never to be wed."

For a long time, Mother Ku had whispered in her ear that a man of Feng Lizhi’s character was a rare find, and that the Feng family had strict traditions—it was said they could only take a wife and no concubines, which was why their bloodline had remained so thin.

Though their status couldn't compare to Le Qingbo’s, if one had to choose between the two, even without any romantic intent, Gu Fei had to admit that Feng Lizhi was a much better man than Le Qingbo.

Feng Lizhi was amused by her comment, his previous gloom lifting slightly. He pondered for a moment, the smile on his face slowly fading, before he said, "A-Fei, I’ve thought about it these past few days. Once I stop making ink, I am going to the battlefield."

"To the battlefield!"